Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
