Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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