well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
