If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
you told grandpa to call you daddy
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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