dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
