so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
