you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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