What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
