he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
