Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
