i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
