I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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