i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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