was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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