she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
