Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i came on her dog
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
