No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
His hands were made for my vagina.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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