Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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