if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
