Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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