I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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