What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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