Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
my poor anus
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
