She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
