God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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