somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
