I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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