Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
