thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Randomize
