Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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