brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
