He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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