who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
