I want to have your abortion
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
