mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
