True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
