dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
