its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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