just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
