I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
