Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
