We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
