Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
