she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
