My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
