We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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