I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
