Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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