I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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