im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
