they need to just BURY HIM!
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
