My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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