Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
