I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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