oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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