hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
foreskin is a definite game changer
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
