Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
