I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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